‘Dogs and Cats, Simmering Together! Mass Hysteria!’


Oh, Mr. Johnny Verbeck how could you be so mean
I told you, you’d be sorry for inventin’ that machine
now all the neighbors cats and dogs will nevermore be seen
For they’ll be ground to sausages in Johnny Verbeck’s machine.
via Johnny Verbeck Lyrics.

“The way we prepare it,” the Swiss say, “no one knows what they are eating anyway.”

How’s that for an endorsement of regional culinary traditions? Call it food for thought on this Thanksgiving as animal lovers in Switzerland step up a campaign to ban traditional, if secretive, dishes made from cats and dogs.

And by step up I mean just get started on, because these kind-hearted, ski-cap-wearing folks only have about 16,000 signatures so far — a slim fraction of the Alpine country’s population of eight million.

But never mind that. It’s the thought that counts.

“These animals form part of a family; they must not end up on a dinner plate,” said Tomi Tomek, a German woman active in petition-circulating circles. “Around 3 percent of the Swiss secretly eat cat or dog.”

She may only be half right. A reporter from the Swiss daily Le Matin found at least one chirpy farmer who finds “nothing odd about eating dogs.” It’s meat, he said. What’s the big deal about eating meat?

At some point in the interview, though, our hero appeared to grow a little squeamish. He added that, you know, us farmers aren’t the only ones ringing the necks of puppies and kittens.

“Construction workers in particular like eating it,” he said, deftly throwing a whole demographic under the bus.

This is such a serious problem that the wife of a Swiss diplomat was quoted explaining that it’s the high price of meat that is to blame — probably after brushing lint from her cat-skin jacket.

Apparently, dogs are made into sausage. The Swiss prefer Rottweilers, I am betting to act out the latent resentment they feel from the fact that most people confuse the Swiss for Germans. Cats are more popular over all, and are typically served with garlic and a white wine sauce. “Young ones are more tender,” an animal rights activist told Breitbart London, which is not hard to believe.

It’s worth mentioning that rabbits are eaten the same way, which leads one to wonder if this isn’t a well-constructed practical joke by a few bored farmers.

We’re not even the only ones making jokes about it. Godfrey Bloom, a British former member of Europe’s parliament, made a lot hay a few years ago trying to get horse meat banned in Europe. But his stomach shifted not an inch when told of the Swiss petition.

“We used to have Swiss chocolate cats on the christmas tree as a lad,” he said, winding up for the punch line: “I fear the soft-centered ones might not have been quite what we thought.”