Winter Weight, and Discontent

Because the Yankees don’t have a catcher on the roster or in the system capable of being a No. 1 catcher, it was widely believed they would ignore their mantra of not giving out multi-year deals to retain Russell Martin.

via Yankees not alone in courting Martin –

7:14 PM John
If the Yankees sign A.J. Pierzynski, and I can’t believe I spelled that right on my first try, I am seriously going to plotz.

7:21 PM Samantha
It’s not a deep market for catchers.

7:22 PM John
Wuh?! That is what you tell me? I am mid-plotz, Sam. Mid. Not early. What I expected was a, Yeah, I agree. I will plotz, too. That sort of thing.

7:25 PM John
What is Jason Varitek doing these days? Hmm? Is Johnny Bench still alive?

7:28 PM Samantha
Varitek, really? Now that’s just crossing the line.
…I bet Bench could still play.

7:29 PM John
What, are you saying Peeszynski is handsome or something? Ugh.
Did Austin Romine have sex with a llama, or something? When did he become a nobody?

7:33 PM Samantha
Ha, I almost lost my coffee on that last line. But, apparently they don’t think he’s ready yet.

7:33 PM John
Ready?! What the balls is going on? What has he been doing for the past however-many years? It’s not like we’re asking him to land a spaceship on the moon! Squat, hit. Like that.

7:37 PM John
Also. And excuse me for saying so, but when they traded Jesus Montero, why didn’t some bright bulb pipe up and say, Hey, uhh, who are we gonna get to play catcher? I mean, really?

7:38 PM Samantha
Remember when the problem was that the Yankees had too many good catchers in the system; now suddenly not a one. And, you know what: A.J. Piersinski is trubba for bubba.

jeter_new--525x7007:38 PM John
Sigh. This got my motor going. I tell you. The Yankees have sharply disappointed me. And if I see that half-wit, bush-league chee chawker in pinstripes, so help me…
…And another thing, ho-boy. What is with Jeter? Fatty, fatty, two by four! Uffda.

7:42 PM Samantha
The Captain has, if we are to believe the Post photog, put on just a little winter weight.

7:43 PM John
Winter weight? Really? So sad, Sam. Are you going to be carrying water for the Captain when he’s 80?

7:44 PM Samantha
It could be winter weight, or a doctored photo. Regardless, he will be fine. Can you leave The Captain be already.

7:45 PM John
Winter weight. Nice. This is S.T.B., Sam. Gold.



First-World Phenomena: Expensive Beach Homes


Ms. Carman and her husband, who had hoped to retire in a few years, were reconsidering whether they could afford to remain on the coast on fixed incomes. But she said she feared that even selling their home could be hard. “Only wealthy people could afford it, I guess, not middle-class people,” she said. “You’re going to price us out of here.”

via Cost of Coastal Living to Climb Under New Flood Rules –

…the market is telling them that where they live is too dangerous. If they choose to live in harm’s way, they should bear the cost of that risk — not the taxpayers.

via End Federal Flood Insurance –

‘The Ape Faction Totally Up in Arms’

English: Sasquatch Yeti Bigfoot Bugerbear Yowie

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sasquatch nuclear DNA, Ketchum said, “is incredibly novel and not at all what we had expected.”

via DNA study suggests Bigfoot exists | Statesman Journal |

Not what you expected?!

What was it?

“It’s people!” cried Charlton Heston’s unnerved character in the motion picture “Soylent Green.” And so have cryptozoologists on receipt of the news, reported with seeming sincerity by a newspaper in Salem, Ore., that an apparently serious, peer-reviewed study of so-called Sasquatch DNA had been leaked ahead of its anticipated release, revealing the creatures to be “a hybrid of a human with unknown species.”

The report contains several bombshells, not including the assumption that such creatures actually exist.

•From 109 samples — hair, tissue, blood and saliva; but, I am guessing, no intact Sasquatches — it was surmised that the animals fall “in the realm of human,” as one bigfoot hunter said. (That means you, mister.)

•Sasquatches are apparently, definitively, the result of a pairing at some time in the last 15,000 years of a homo sapien female with a male of an unknown species, confirming the widely-held belief among male cryptozoologists that some dames simply can’t keep their hands off a really rugged man. “The male that procreated is unidentifiable,” said the former veterinarian who organized the research, leading her fellow female cryptozoologists to retort, Isn’t that just like a man?

•Thirteen laboratories around the world — 13! — were said to have participated in the research. That means there are 13 awkwardly-written press releases yet to be written. And 13 laboratory budgets yet to be defended from the criticism of 13 skeptical, head-scratching governing boards.

•Finally, the news has fatally ruptured an already restive “Bigfoot-believing community,” leading to hair-raising recriminations as researchers trample long-held opinions.

As one writer put it, the news “has the ape faction totally up in arms.”

These folks have, again, I am guessing, argued for years that Sasquatches are more ape than human in bald defiance of the (guessing!) probably-hairier-than-normal folks dragging their knuckles and claiming that the creatures are more like people. “They can’t back away from that,” the writer said.

No, they can’t. But there are more important things to consider.

News of intact Sasquatch genomes — apparently, lab workers were able to sequence three of them — has cryptozoologists already concerned for the well-being of the never-seen-or-captured creatures. A few mused about the potential array of federal protections that could be legislated. At least one correctly surmised that some people will want to kill even imaginary monsters.

“Because there’s going to be that faction out there, too.”

And Then the Sphinx Says…

Grilled Ham and Cheese Sandwich

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)


[12:35 PM] Me: Now. Here’s a riddle. Why is it a grilled cheese sandwich if you fried it, not grilled it?


[12:41 PM] Bob: …why not saute….then…eh….broiled…


[12:41 PM] Me: Yes! Right? From now on, I’m calling them sauteed cheese sandwiches.


[12:42 PM] Bob: …cheese toastie….cheese melt….


[12:42 PM] Me: Cheese sneeze!


[12:51 PM] Bob: …believe it came from the 1920’s use of a grill to describe a dinner type foods…and the sandwich…cheese melted on bread with all manner of meats and salads layered on…where concocted using the ….grill…the term used for the Viking g1140 model range which included a flame grill, flame broiler, griddle (which in its self is often refered to as a gril) , convection oven and warming oven….to this day the flat griddle type cook surface in a Dairy Queen is refered to as a grill…even though it truely is a large hot plate…which things are fried…


[12:52 PM] Me: You really are a scholar!


[12:55 PM] Bob: …I think it is frying that got us in all this confusion…when have you ever prepared …one inch deep or more container of oil …heated to around 370 degrees …then plopped a pattied burger into …well…to fry a burno frying is the problem…my burgers from a pan…are browned and heated through…in a pan I just finnished carmelizing onions in…not fried…




‘Curses to All of You’

[Rex] Burkhead scored the go-ahead touchdown in his return from a knee injury and No. 17 Nebraska beat Iowa 13-7 on Friday to claim the Legends Divisions berth in the championship game.

via No. 17 Nebraska beats Iowa 13-7 – Yahoo! Sports.

It was a day unfit for superlatives.

Many called Nebraska’s victory ugly, and it surely was. It moved television announcers to try to defend the advertiser-supported tedium. It moved coaches and players to shrug with bemusement. It moved at least one sportswriter, angry at having had to watch the drudgery in the November chill, to rebuke his readers.

Frankly, it was miserable, and curses to all of you who watched it sitting near a fireplace.

via Legendary: Huskers lock up spot in B1G title game : Latest Husker News.

The sky was clear and beautiful, but the temperature was in the low 30s and the wind gusted to 30 miles an hour. Many blamed the bluster for how passes and kicks wobbled, but precision was not exactly expected given the participants.

Rising to a point of order was Nebraska quarterback Taylor Martinez, born and raised in Southern California, who said it was “by far the coldest game I’ve ever played in.”

(For some reason, I am reminded here of the bare, sleet-streaked arms of Danny Noonan.)

Whether it was the cold or the crummy players, neither quarterback topped 100 passing yards. Neither offense converted more than a third of its third downs. There were 13 punts and only 19 complete passes. It was so bad, that I forgot to turn it back on after going for a halftime walk.

The fact is that this team, this season has long since given up the pretense of being entertainment. It has for weeks been something to be stomached, borne, suffered — to be gamely endured. There were sideline outbursts, player defections and, of course, the stain of two inexplicable defeats. But perhaps more fatiguing were the five times — including Friday — that the team rallied from mostly-self-inflicted, second-half deficits.

“We’ve been through a lot as a team to get here,” coach Bo Pelini said.

via Heroes Game win over Iowa sends Huskers to Big Ten title game –

Egad, so have the fans. Aren’t there better things to do in the afternoon?

Surely, there are.

But whatever. We have been told these are first-world problems.

Now, style points only matter if you are either trying to convince voters to put you in the national title game over others with similar records or if you are vying for an at-large BCS bowl bid. The Huskers aren’t in either situation.

via Nebraska vs. Iowa: Cornhuskers Clinch Big Ten Legends Division in Ugly Fashion | Bleacher Report.

And that is the rub. Dorothy had to remind herself that she wasn’t in Kansas. Husker fans, especially myself, would do well to remember it isn’t 1995.

To paraphrase a former secretary of defense, You watch on television the team you have, not the team you might want or wish to have.

This Is What It Looks Like Now

>> At 8:19 AM, “Ben” wrote:
>> The Huskers won their ninth game yesterday. To my knowledge,
>> John has yet to issue a correction for his repeated statements that
>> they are a “seven win team”. Fans of accuracy are eagerly awaiting his
>> mea culpa.
At 8:28 AM, John wrote:

The Economist always ends corrections with the phrase, We’re sorry. The
effect can be glib.

But to be sure, no one is sorrier than I am. I regret the error, and not a
small amount of the time I spent watching Husker games over the years.

Via my phone.

The reality is that I am just not equipped for a team like this, not for a season like this. Not for a college football like this.

Nebraska has to be one of the game’s most confounding and inexplicable teams: a club that has been consistently boneheaded and listless, but that has nonetheless won five in a row; a team that allowed an opponent to hang 63 points around its neck, but that which is almost certain to win 10 games for the first time in Coach Bo Pelini’s tenure.

The offense is alternately stupefied and sublime. The defense is always bemusing. The sideline fairly redounds with bluster and anger, sometimes seemingly of an internecine variety. But, in four games this season, that same sideline has pulled together to notch spirited, if improbable, comeback victories.

“Bring us home,” players tell each other. And seem to mean it.

In the old days, such theatrics were unnecessary. Nebraska’s schedules were just that, scheduled — wins preordained.

Today, the college game is broader, bigger, it is fractious and fungible. The Big 12 has only 10 members; the Big Ten will soon hold 14.

Here’s more numbers: A record of 11-3 seems possible for the Huskers, something that seemed impossible in September. And something that is an eerie echo of 2001, when Nebraska (11-2) sustained a humiliating 62-36 loss to Colorado and a overwhelming 32-14 flop to Miami in the Rose Bowl.

That was a belly-drop of a bookend to era of relative dominance, and perhaps the first sign that things with Frank Solich were not going to be all beer and skittles.

But in 2012, the prospect of such an uneven season can only be described as success, though probably not progress. And perhaps the best that can be hoped for.