6:25 PM John
It’s Sam everyone!
6:29 PM Samantha
Thank you, John! It’s, um, good to be here.
6:29 PM John
Of course it is. And you look great. What am I saying, of course you do.
Anyway, have a seat!
6:30 PM Samantha
Thanks. Let me just grab some coffee, and then I’m all set to chat at bit.
6:30 PM John
Sorry, Sam. We’re out of time! Thanks for coming on the show!
6:40 PM Samantha
That’s the last time I come on this show …
6:41 PM John
Hey! Everyone! It’s Sam!
6:41 PM Samantha
Thanks. It’s great to be here!
6:41 PM John
Sorry, we’re on a commercial break.
6:42 PM Samantha
Excuse me while I call my agent.
9:04 PM Samantha
Worst green room ever. Just saying
9:05 PM John
Oh. About that. Can you be sure to leave a deposit? Those little liquor bottles don’t pay for themselves, you know. Thanks.
9:05 PM Samantha
What little liquor bottles; I don’t see anything of the sort …
9:06 PM John
I see. I am just going to go ahead and mark you down as, Drank.
9:07 PM Samantha
Drank what? I can’t even get a bottled water over here
9:07 PM John
Oh. Sure. That’s why you are slurring your I.M.’s?
Listen. Don’t be difficult. We are used to dealing with people like you.
9:08 PM Samantha
What the hell does that mean? Are you saying I’m difficult? Dear, please. So absurd.
9:08 PM John
Well. Look how argumentative you are being right now! I mean. Really. Just put down the gin. And take a look at yourself. We can’t put you on the air like that!
9:10 PM Samantha
There is no mirror (or gin for that matter) in this joke of a green room.
9:10 PM John
Well, maybe you’d like to run your own talk show? Hmm? Ms. I Have to Be Drinking Alcohol All the Time! Why don’t you just take your red nose and your abusive habits and see if Jay Leno wants to see them.
9:11 PM Samantha
See, now who’s argumentative? It’s not my fault this talk show of yours is lacking some key features — like a green room, some water, actual talking. And, Leno, really? Don’t be insulting. If I’m leaving, I’m going to Letterman.
9:12 PM John
Harrumph. You’ll be lucky if Dr. Phil takes your calls when I am through with you!