Scatology, Not Escatology

[3:46 PM] Bob : Hey …what’s your aerobic threshhold these days


[4:00 PM] Me: Don’t know my aerobic threshold. What is that?


[4:19 PM] Me: Your threshold is probably super human.


[4:50 PM] Bob : Do come up short of breath when you poop?


[5:27 PM] Me: No. is that aerobic threshold? Am I pooping wrong?


[5:37 PM] Me: Seriously, am I pooping wrong?!


[5:58 PM] Bob : So your not out of breathe when your are pooping…what about beads of sweat…first on you forehead…then forming up and dripping …no…leaping from your brow


[6:00 PM] Me: Gad. No sweat either. What should I do? See a doctor? See a surgeon?


[6:00 PM] Bob : Do you ever see stars…when you’re pooping….kinda go gray to black…then bright star like burst of color…


[6:00 PM] Bob : No, no…remain calm…everything is perfectly normal.


[6:01 PM] Me: Shit. I don’t see stars either!


[6:02 PM] Bob : In a few days you will receive a package containing Benefiber single serving sticks the first few days enjoy 5-7 per day…spread out through the day…you’ll be fine…


[6:08 PM] Me: These will make me sweat, breathe heavily and see stars?


[6:13 PM] Me: Please don’t send them.


[6:13 PM] Me: THEY sound awful.