Pay No Attention to the Feet on the Beach

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IN OUR LEAD STORY, disembodied feet in running shoes have been washing up on the beaches in the Northwest for years (there is even a Wikipedia page), and this is somehow not chilling evidence of an energetic, foot-crazed serial killer. The authorities, in further, disheartening proof that ordinary people would make poor police investigators, have said that none of the 11 feet found near Vancouver or the 3 found farther south in Washington are the result of suspicious activity. The feet are presumed to have come from people who committed suicide, though there are many theories (e.g. victims of particular plane crashes, body parts from the 2004 Asian tsunami, etc.). Their appearance alone on dry land is explained by 1, the buoyancy of modern athletic shoes and 2, natural “marine scavenging and decomposition.” — 11th mysterious foot washes ashore in Vancouver area

IN FURTHER, DISHEARTENING proof that ordinary people would make poor research scientists, a study of panda manure recently presented to the American Chemical Society has demonstrated that a useful biofuel could be produced by, we are guessing, creating mechanical, methane-producing pandas. Or, as the Web site Inhabit put it, pandas, already “well-loved for their distinctive appearance and sedentary nature” will now “receive even greater adoration and attention for their bowel-based contribution to the development of a clean energy future.” Apparently, a yearlong ( ! ) study of panda poo showed that the gentle beasts converted 95 percent of the plants they eat into simple sugars. This is way better than anything else, like cows or bugs, for instance, and once the scientists figure out which panda gene is responsible for the hyper efficient enzymes, they will try to automate the whole thing. — Panda Poop Could be the Key to Cheap and Efficient Biofuel Production | Inhabitat – Green Design Will Save the World

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AND, FINALLY, HOLY crap, this thing, right, could kill you! The ShoulderFlex Massager, a seemingly innocuous as-seen-on-TV gadget, is being blamed for the strangulation death of a doctor in Miami. Apparently, the doctor tried to use the device while wearing a necklace. Other people have reported that the ShoulderFlex’s foam-covered rotating bits of death pulled in their hair. The Food and Drug Administration is not fooling around. They issued a warning about the device, and urged owners to “dispose of the device components separately” so unwitting scroungers can put it back together. — Massage device eyed in doctor’s death | 9news.com

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