Darkly Dreaming of Derek Jeter

7:32 p.m., Samantha
how is it we get a paper out each night?

7:33 p.m., John
By accident, mostly.

Did you hear about the stagehand that died? On the set of “How to Succeed in Business…”

7:35 p.m., Samantha
What happened?

7:35 p.m., John
Died of an overdose right before the show. I mention it because they canceled the performance. You know? So what happened to the Show Must Go On?

7:36 p.m., Samantha
Seriously; no one has a work ethic anymore!

7:36 p.m., John
It makes me wonder if I die, if you guys will just throw up your hands and cancel the paper.

7:36 p.m., Samantha
We would be too grief stricken to put out a paper, even by accident. But I can’t even allow myself to think of such a horrible day.

7:37 p.m., John
It could be a favor I do for you. You know?

7:38 p.m., Samantha
While that is awfully sweet of you to consider me ahead of your demise, this is a terribly upsetting conversation.

7:46 p.m., John
But it seems like S.T.B. to me.

7:46 p.m., Samantha
What is STB?

7:46 p.m., John
Straight. To. Blog.

7:47 p.m., Samantha
How embarrassing I didn’t realize that.

7:47 p.m., John
Yeah. Go with the feeling on that.

10:37 p.m., John
O.K. Seriously. W.T.F.
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter did not let a thunderstorm deter him from increasing his workouts.
…Rain? Was he really thinking of taking the day off because it rained?

10:38 p.m., Samantha
They don’t play in the rain, so why should he practice in the rain … I’m just saying. It could be slippery out there, and he does already have a bad calf.

10:38 p.m., John
You’re right. Would fog his glasses. Rot his hair plugs.

10:39 p.m., Samantha
Can I unfriend you on the office communicator?